Elopement Announcement: How to Tell Your Friends and Family That You are Eloping
One of the first questions that I get asked by most of my couples is about their elopement announcement. “How do I tell my parents/family/friends that I am eloping?” Honestly, overcoming this hurdle is probably the biggest reason that couples choose not to elope. I hear things like, “It’s just not what my family does” or “I could never do that to my parents.”
What you have to try to remember is that your wedding day is not about your family, or your parents, or your friends. It is about you and the amazing, authentic love that you share with your partner. If standing in the middle of a banquet hall with hundreds of eyes on you isn’t really your thing (and I get that because it’s not my thing either) then maybe a traditional wedding isn’t right for you. Still trying to figure out if an elopement might be your speed? Check out 6 Signs That You Should Consider Eloping.
Now that you have decided to be awesome and elope, you’re probably wondering the best way to tell your friends and family members. The whole reason to elope is so that you can spend the day focusing on your relationship. You don’t want to be worrying about what others are thinking or that you have hurt their feelings by making this epic choice. Here are a few tips to help you tell the people in your life that you are eloping and allow you to have the rad day that you are envisioning.
1. DON’T Apologize!
This is my number one suggestion. You aren’t doing anything wrong or anything to apologize for. You are choosing to have an incredible adventure and solidify your marriage in a way that feels right to you. That is beautiful and not something that you need to apologize for. As someone who apologizes basically as a reflex, I know how hard this can be. You may feel like you have hurt someone’s feelings or that you are letting someone down, but this day is not about anyone except you and your partner. As you are going into this conversation, repeat this mantra in your head, “This day is about us. I’ve made an epic choice and it is right for me.”
2. Tell Them in Person
This might not be what you want to hear (because shooting off a text or an email can be so much easier) but it really is best to tell your closest people that you are eloping in person (or over a video chat). You want them to be able to see the joy on your face and hear the excitement in your voice. It will also help you gauge their reactions so that you can tailor the conversation to how they are feeling about your decision.
3. Be Upfront
If you are considering eloping, don’t let your mom put down a deposit on a giant barn reception hall. Let them know that this is what you are thinking about so that nobody gets swept up in the (stressful) planning stages of a traditional wedding.
If you are going to elope without telling anyone first, drop some hints that this is what you are thinking about doing. You don’t want people to get super excited to come to your wedding if that is not going to happen. This will help to minimize hurt feelings in the long run. Instead of sending a traditional “save the date” consider sending a “we’re eloping” or “we’ve eloped” announcement. This will help to set expectations for everyone.
4. Explain Why You Are Choosing to Elope
You have chosen to elope for a reason. Share that reason with your friends and family members (if you are comfortable doing that). Here are just a few reasons that other couples have chosen to elope.
They don’t want to pay for a large, traditional wedding
They feel more themselves when it is just them and their partner
They want to start their lives together with an adventure
They are environmentally conscious and don’t want all of the “stuff” that comes with a big wedding
They aren’t comfortable being the center of attention
They don’t want the stress of planning a big wedding
They want something truly intimate and authentic to who they are
It is just what feels right to them
5. Share What You are Excited About
By sharing all of the reasons that you are excited to elope, your friends and family members will feel more included in your day. It is not about excluding them. Instead, it is about doing what feels right to you. You can even let them be a part of the planning process and help you figure out the details of what you are going to be doing.
If you are going to be hiking to the top of a mountain so that you can watch the sun set over the peaks while you say your vows, show them a map of the trail that you will be hiking. If you are spending the day traipsing around the cliffs of Ireland, pull up a few websites that tell about the history of where you will be and maybe let them help you pick out a few pubs that you want to stop at along the way.
Doing these things will help them better understand that your choice to elope is not about wanting to shut them out but rather about having a day that is exactly, perfectly, “you”.
6. Explain They Can Be a Part of Your Day
Just because your friends and family will not be physically there with you on your wedding day, doesn't mean that they can’t be a part of it. One great way to keep your family and friends involved is by having them write letters to read or record a video to watch on the big day.
You can find a few other ways that friends and family members can support you here.
7. Share Your Pictures
Sharing the photos from your day can be an incredible way to show just how amazing your day was. Once your friends and family members see the pictures of you having the best day of your life, they will understand why you made this choice. It is hard to argue with pictures that show all of the joy that you experienced on your wedding day.