8 Tips for Writing Authentic Vows for Your Elopement
Even if you are skipping the stress and formality of a big wedding and opting to elope instead (If you are still debating this, make sure to check out 6 Sign That You Should Consider Eloping) one tradition that most couples still choose to partake in is the exchanging of vows.
Picture This:
You have had an absolutely epic day. You woke up slowly, snuggled up next to your partner, ate your favorite breakfast at an adorable Airbnb, put on your wedding clothes and went on a life-affirming, stunning, super fun hike in the mountains and then found it: the breathtaking, perfect spot where you want to have your ceremony. You are standing there, holding hands with your partner, remembering all of the reasons that you are together and the moments that you have shared. The sun is setting behind you and it is time to say your vows. Everything that day has led to this moment, the moment that you commit yourselves to each other and make promises about the life that you want to lead, together.
It’s a big moment. It’s THE moment. The problem is actually figuring out what you want to say. Having a bit of writer's block? That is OKAY! I promise. This is perfectly normal. In fact, it is so common that I have put together this list of tips and tricks to help you express yourself.
1. Take the pressure off (Who are you trying to impress?)
The first thing to remember is that these vows do not need to be perfect. Try to take that pressure off of yourself. You are not perfect. Your partner is not perfect. Your relationship is definitely not perfect. Why would your vows need to be perfect? These vows are for you and your partner, nobody else. Don’t let yourself fall into the trap of writing your vows based off of what other people will think about them. You have chosen to elope because you want an authentic day that is just about the two of you. Your vows should be no different.
2. Get on the same page
Before you begin writing, you and your partner should probably sit down and just answer a few basic questions about your vows so that one of you isn’t weeping openly as you rehash every difficult moment in your relationship and the other is cracking jokes (unless that’s what you want. If so, sweet, go for it.) Here are just a couple of questions that you can work through:
How long should our vows be? Do we want to keep them brief, recite a long monologue or be somewhere in between?
Do we want them to be religious?
Do we want them to be silly? Heartfelt? Sentimental? A mix of everything?
Are you okay bringing up private moments and difficulties that we have been through?
Do we want to read each other’s before the ceremony?
3. Write them on your own time
So many people are going to tell you not to wait until the last minute to write your wedding vows. “Don’t wait until the night before to put pen to paper.” But, you know what, I did. I wrote my vows on the back of a Target receipt the night before my wedding and they were exactly right. Unpopular opinion: If you are a person that thrives when you are pushed up against a timeline, it is okay to wait to write them. The night before my wedding, I was surrounded by people who supported me and my partner, filled with love, and in the exact right frame of mind to be writing my vows. Don’t force yourself to be in that place. If it is coming down to the wire and you’re stressing out, my next tip will probably help.
4. Make a date night out of it
So many people dread writing their wedding vows. They stress about it for weeks while anxiety builds and then end up resenting having to actually write them. If you are freaking out because your wedding day is drawing near and they still aren't written, make a date night out of it. Spend the evening reveling in your relationship. Open up a bottle of wine, put on some music that brings up memories (good, bad, and ugly), make a meal together, and focus on why you are getting married. Once you are feeling inspired, sit down and write those vows. You can do it!
5. Carry a notebook around with you
Inspiration can strike at the strangest times. My best writing happens at 3am when I am having trouble falling asleep. You never know when you are going to be hit with a wave of love for your partner and know exactly what you want to tell them in your vows. It would really suck to be stuck without any way of writing those gems down.
6. Find sources of inspiration
If you can’t find the right words to express what you want to say, it is perfectly okay to find inspiration in quotes from songs, books, movies, tv shows. Here are a few of my personal favorite quotes that may spark some ideas:
“Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.”
“It is a curious thought, but it is only when you see people looking ridiculous that you realize just how much you love them.”
“When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.”
7. Use a voice recording app
I don’t know about you, but I am not very good when it comes to putting pen to paper. I get way too bogged down in actually writing or typing things out, figuring out how they should sound, and trying to make everything exactly right. Something that I have found helps is to just talk into the voice recorder app on my phone. I try to imagine that I am talking to a friend. Then, when I listen back, I can clean it up. When you do this, try pretending that you are talking to your partner and telling them all of the things that you want to say on your wedding day.